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Why are You Talking to the Dead?

Why are you talking to the dead is often the question I ask when I hear that both family and friends are visiting their loved ones at the grave site on a daily basis and are literally camping out!

Now, I know that you are mourning and I get that but why are you talking to a dead corpse?  Yes, I said it and I will not use an euphemism to tickle your soul because it has to be said and I am going to be bold, brave and courageous enough to say it and back it up with sacred scripture.

First and foremost, I have been blessed to conduct many of funerals or home going services.  I also had the opportunity of having a mini-service at the grave site, which was totally blessed. 

One of the things that a clergy person will do is stand next to the casket in front of the family members and performs the Committal Service.  During this time, the clergy person will recite or read the following: “Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God, in his wise providence, to take out of this world unto himself the soul of our deceased brother (or sister or friend), we therefore commit his (or her) body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

I heard a voice from heaven, saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth, saith the Spirit that they may rest from their labors; and their works do follow them.  (Revelation 14:13)

Then they will give a benediction and the family and friends will be further instructed by the funeral home of the repast and the family will lay their flower on the grave and return to their respective cars.  Now, if you are in the south, you can sit or stand around and wait for the grave diggers to cover the casket with dirt.  Some choose to wait around and it’s liberating while others can’t handle the pain of seeing their loved one go down in 6 feet so they leave immediately.

Whatever your preference – it’s okay.  It doesn’t mean that you love or don’t love the person who is being buried any less.  You understand your emotional well-being and physical limitations and you have decided it’s enough. I can’t handle it. I can’t take it, etc.  You have the right! 

A few months ago, I was talking to a friend who stated to me that she was visiting her deceased loved one almost daily.  She visits them and it clears her mind.  Now, I am not saying that you shouldn’t go to visit but on special occasions and limit your time.  If you have some unresolved guilt, etc., by all means go and stand there and get a release if you will.  If you are remembering a significant date, yes go and visit and take a flower, picture, etc., or clean up the cemetery area where your loved one was laid to rest.  Go and visit but to go every day is where I have a problem and truth be told, you do too!

You are not emotional stable, if you are visiting with them and talking to them on a daily basis.  Beloved, you need to seek out professional help.  Why!?  Because they aren’t there!  If you are a believer then you understand that their spirit is resting in the bosom of Abraham. Their corpse is what was lowered into the ground and their body beloved is going to return to the earth as ashes and dust as the preacher stated during the committal service.  I know that doesn’t sound good but it is the God’s honest truth.

Please do not get caught up in talking to the dead!  There was a woman in the book of 1Samuel who was the witch of Endor.  She conjured up the prophet Samuel for King Saul because he was disobedient and he could no longer hear from God.  Thus, he wanted to know his fate so he disguised himself and unbeknownst to her, she summons Samuel from the dead.  This wasn’t a pretty picture if you will.  In fact, scriptures reveal that she was horrified when Samuel came up from the dead with his mantle and asking, “Who disquieted me?”  Saul had tricked her and the worse part of it all, the Prophet was still able to speak and tell him that tomorrow, him and his sons would be killed and they would be where he was, “dead.”

Now, I am quite sure that isn’t what Saul wanted to hear but since he wanted to talk to the dead through a medium/witch this was news and it wasn’t good either!

Beloved, my prayer for you is that you talk to God about your fears, hurts, and loss.  He knows.  He sees.  I also pray that you talk to a colleague or family member who is still amongst the living.  May you seek out and speak to a clergy person or neighbor.  Finally, may you seek out professional counsel about your mourning.

I want you have good mourning and that doesn’t mean that you go around speaking to the dead.

Be encouraged, talk to God and cast all of your cares upon Him because He cares for you!

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Be encouraged!


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Death Themes in Music

“I love music, any kind of music I love music, just as long as it’s groovy” is part of the lyrics from the O’Jays song entiteld: “I love Music.”  I remember this old school jam like it was yesterday.

Most old school songs had so many meanings.  However, not too many of them dealt with the subject of death, dying or the dead.  Yeah, they may have dealt with the blues and having the blues but not too many of the old songs had death themes that were easily depicted.

Well, nowadays death themes are running rampant in contemporary music.  Unfortunately, they are becoming the fastest growing trend in all types of music genres.  What do you think of death themes in music?  And is it an attempt to cope with death or is it for marketing purposes?


The Comfort of Religion

Religion afflicts the comforted and comforts the afflicted. Are you comforted by your religion?  Be specific about your religion and how it comforts the afflicted during the death or dying process.

Euphemisms: Helpful or Hurtful?

Many American are afraid of death, violent or otherwise and will use euphemisms as buffers when discussing death, dying or the dead.


What words have you used to obscure the dying process?  And is it emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy to use these euphemisms when discussing death, dying or the dead?  Or should we be as blunt and brutally honest to the dying, their family and friends when discussing death, the dying and or the dead?

Death Awareness

According to Leming and Dickinson, “Death happens 55 million times each year throughout the world and 2.3 million times annually in the United States.  Of the tens of billions of people that have ever existed, everyone born before 1880 has died, and nearly everyone currently alive today will perish in this century.” 

Now that’s startling!  But here’s the thought provoking question, what events are related to the “thanatology movement” that will help change our awareness of dying and death?

And how are you going to bring about an open discussion and awareness of those behaviors and emotions related to dying, death, and bereavement with family, fictive kin, friends and others.

How long is it going to take you, God? Psalms 13

For the leader. A psalm of David.                           

How long, Lord? Will you utterly forget me?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I carry sorrow in my soul, grief in my heart day after day?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

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Put God in Remembrance of His Word

While growing up, I often had to put my mother in remembrance of what she promised me after I finished a particular task.  I had to remind her of what she said because her hands were always full.  I know she had three other children, a husband, a dog, a house and a plethora of church activities that she was involved in.  So perhaps that’s why I had to gently remind her of what she said because she was so busy.

Later in life, I would tell people in particular my students to remind me of a conversation we had so I wouldn’t forget to make good on Continue reading